Gratitude Through Trials

In the words that follow, my dear friend Erin shares a part of her journey that has left an indelible mark on my heart. This year, she confronted the unimaginable, yet amidst her hurt and pain, the radiant light of Jesus shone through her. Our friendship spans over two decades, and Erin’s unwavering faith during this season has been a constant source of inspiration. I am profoundly grateful for the example she has set not only for me but for everyone fortunate enough to know her.

Witnessing Erin navigate the complexities of finding and caring for the love of her life has been both humbling and awe-inspiring. Her dedication to her husband, Jason, reached depths I could not fathom. Throughout their journey, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges, they both remained steadfast in acknowledging the Lord and His goodness.

Together, Erin and Jason became living testimonies of Christ’s love, demonstrating how gratitude can thrive even in the smallest moments—like the joy of being released from the hospital to spend precious final days on the beach. Through their story, I’ve come to understand that God is indeed a God of comfort and peace, a truth beautifully exemplified by Erin and Jason.

Love, Amanda

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My name is Erin, and as of July, I am a 39 year old widow. I watched my beloved husband Jason suffer in ways unimaginable and ultimately lose a battle against Stage 4 stomach cancer. This has been the most trying year of my life, between watching my dear husband waste away, grieving him and now trying to figure out an entirely new life plan. So now that you’ve heard my sad story, I’m sure you are asking yourself why I am writing a blog about gratitude? Because despite everything that I have been through, I cannot deny God’s grace over my life nor that He was there every step of the way guiding me through.

The worst of days

The morning of the day that Jason passed, I was watching church online and the sermon was about David’s story, all his trials and his unwavering faithfulness and love for God. It hit home as that prior evening and that day were the hardest days of my life and definitely testing my faith.

The day before, Jason woke up and we talked a little, held hands while I had my coffee. At that point he was bedridden, too weak to stand on his own. He hadn’t been able to eat anything in 3 months. When he got to the point he was no longer able to eat, he was receiving nutrition intravenously to maintain.  In those last few weeks his body could not even handle this, so he was essentially starving to death. I had to watch my once tall, strong and total hunk of a husband wither away to nothing and there was nothing anyone could do to change it.

Later that afternoon things went downhill and quick. Jason had gotten so weak he could no longer speak or open his eyes. I could not tell if he was conscious and unable to communicate or if he was (hopefully) asleep. The hospice nurses assessed him and they said that his vitals were still strong so he may be in that state for a week. I had been his rock through a great deal, but a week of him staying in that state and his family watching him like that seemed heartbreakingly unbearable.

The next day, one of the pastors from our church drove an hour and a half to come pray with us. Him, his family and I prayed the hardest prayer we’ve probably ever had to pray, which was for God to grant Jason mercy and may take him to heaven. That night Jason peacefully stopped breathing and was declared dead the moment his mother, our children and I said Amen after praying the Lord’s Prayer over him. In that moment I felt an indescribable almost supernatural moment of warmth and peace which I know was my husband entering Heaven. For reasons I may never know, yes Jason suffered, but I know on that day God granted him mercy and gave him a beautiful death.

Broken Vessels

Weeks later, I was thinking back to the sermon about David and his life. David went through horrible things, being tortured and later chased down by a king, living in caves and being hungry and cold. Yet David later went on to write Psalms, one of the most beautiful chapters of the Bible. During those trials David never felt sorry for hisself, he never gave up or got upset with God. It reminded me of my amazing husband and how honorably he handled his situation.

Despite what he had been dealt and knowing death was approaching, Jason always maintained good spirits. He was never negative, never angry with God and he was not afraid to die. He made a point to push hisself physically to spend time every person that came to visit, call or video visit with him and let them know he loved them. He even testified to a few. He was so grateful for the narrow list of things he still could do like chew on crushed ice or be able to sleep in bed by my side. Even his last words were thank you and I love you too. The way he handled the situation with such strength, grace and peace was a testament of faith and an example for all of us.

Both these great men understood God never promised us a perfect life. What God does promise us is to go before us, be with us and stand in front of us every step we take.

Think to yourself, if your life was always spent on the mountaintop, would you feel a strong pull to seek God? It is in the valleys where we grow. Sometimes God’s plan is to break us down to build us back better and mold us into who we were meant to be.

Gratitude

I can admit this year was terrible, that I am lost and unsure what’s next for me and I could easily fall into a deep depression and no one would fault me. But if I compare all I have been given to what I have lost, God has been so good to me. There have been several unexplainable random events that happened at the exact time I needed. I have received countless acts of kindness I from those that knew and loved us well but also many from those who did not know us. I could write a whole other blog listing out the blessings I have received that I can only attribute to God’s intervention.

Despite it all, I have grown stronger in faith and gained a renewed peace and trust in God. I no longer worry about the things i cannot control (who was I to ever think I was in control anyway?!). I could not control what was happening to my husband’s body but what I could control was my reaction. The best I could provide was to be there for him, be strong for him, to show him unconditional love and be his comfort all the way up until the end.

As Christians we accept Jesus into our hearts while at the same time surrender our lives to God’s will and embrace the peace that comes with it. We can react to difficult situations with grace that may inspire others to seek that same peace in Him they may not have experienced yet. Maybe you are not going through a valley, but you can be there for others going through it and love them fiercely and unconditionally through tough times. After all we were made out of His love, we were saved out of His love and made in His image, so ultimately we were made TO love.

May you go into this holiday season with a heart full of gratitude, the peace of trusting God and loving each other.

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